Not a crochety post today... No I need to talk.
I'm alone this week, mom's gone to Sweden and Dad works. I love being alone.
I LOVE being alone, managing my day as I want, sitting around, looking out, walking fast walks (without dog! Yeah I'm really alone.) etc... oh and yeah! Crocheting until fingers and hook burn!
Sweden, this summer
But then! The clock ticks up to 5.30 pm, the dark is set. And ohhhh I HATE it! I have that animal instinct of the dark. I get a little more awake, the ticker in the chest doubles it's rythm, my ears hear everything, and I get crapy nervous. Like really nervous.
Of being alone. So the yummy mega bagel-sandwich I made ended up, half-eaten, in the trash. I can't eat more because all my senses are just SO awake!
And with that, I have this imagination, that I actually love, being able to see fairies in the fogg, cute gnoms under the rain... But at night it's only bizare and creepy animals, red eyes, human beings in my house. And that.. well I hate it. And telling myself that I've locked the door, nobody is here.. well it doesn't help at all!
I hate this! Is it THAT hard being the (post-)teenager that loves making mega parties and finish totally drunk (or something like that), instead of thinking that I shouldn't crochet anymore, because then I have elbow pain and I can't sleep because I think it's a freaking heart attack!
I love a quote I read in a book "In search of English eccentrics" by Henry Hemming. The quote comes from Leopard Man. It's just right.
"Henry Hemming: What's been your happiest moment here[on the Isle of Skye, Tom Leppard lives there in a sort of cave]?
Tom Leppard: I don't think I have one. For me to be extremely happy or extremely sad I need to be around people. If you're alone, I think you can only be content. You don't get real highs and lows. But being alone gives you much greater inner joy. I'm very content here."
I just love this sentence, it's so true! I love feeling gold running threw my blood because I look at nice things, feel alive, see the sun, the fogg. I never retrieve that with friends etc... never that gloriously.
Scotland, 2006
But at least, Augusta, the woman that used to baby-sit me in the days when I was a kiddo in nappies, will be coming to sleep with me each night, yeah well, night-sit a baby ;)
Ohhh it feels nice to have put this down! Hope it isn't to long and boring to read!
I have a new crochet project on the move and yesterday was my mom's birthday, I'll take a picture of her present when she comes back, she actually took it with her.
I'm also making snowflakes, I'll show you them when they are all finished. I love making them!
Weeble is still not progressing, and for the top I frogged the other day (no, the other week, time goes to fast!), it's almost finished but I have still not tried it on!
Have a nice start on week!
Sorry to hear you are alone and lonely! It can be hard being on your own when you would rather have someone with you I know. I think it gets easier as you get older - I have been on my own often when my husband was off abroad for his job but perhaps it is just that you get used to it.
ReplyDeleteLove those summer flowers - just what we needed to see after yet another wet and dismal day! Still at least we are not flooded like the north of England.
You are not alone - we are all there with you!!
Jane x
Oh I don't enjoy being alone at all - especially at night. I like to have company in the house, even if it is just my dogs.
ReplyDeleteI am very much like you, i like being alone but sometimes it can be too lonely!! if you know what i mean.
ReplyDeleteHope you are not alone for long!
Lucy xx
Lately, I've been feeling the need to be alone a lot - probably because I never am. But then again I get bored if I'm on my own for more than a day.
ReplyDeleteHope things are better now.
Take care!